I used to hate the color red, but I've grown to like it. Just like a few other things I used to hate:
- My natural hair
- Showing my teeth when I smile
- Wine ( Idk how I ever hated this)
I also used to hate when other people knew my personal business. And I still do but to a certain extent. Since trying to grow my brand and my business, I've noticed that people are nosy. I mean, I'm nosy too but I don't like people to know that LMAO But i'ts kind of hard not to be with social media, right?
I've noticed that as my business and brand grows, my followers grow which means more and more people are watching and waiting to see what I'll do next. Now that I think about it, it's a little nerve wrecking. Having people watch you all the time is weird but some what cool. To know that I could be motivating someone to keep going or inspiring somebody's outfit on a daily is heart warming. But then I think about those people who aren't looking to get inspired but looking for something to take from me; like my ideas or my happiness. That's what you call jealousy; when you want something that someone else has or when you hate to see other people living their best life doing what YOU dream of doing one day. That's pure jealousy. And sadly, I feel that sometimes.
Sometimes, I feel jealous of other people and their lives and it's not a good feeling. It's not a good feeling to hate someone because they have what you want. Or to look at someone and think that they don't deserve what they have. That feeling of being jealous, actually led me to want to do a lot of things, both good and bad.
The bad things:
- It had me wanting to give up on everything I've worked hard on
- It made me start second guessing myself with every little thing that I did
- It caused me to lose out on sleep
- Had me thinking I wasn't doing enough or that I wasn't enough
- Made me doubt my success
The good things:
- It motivated me to want to work even harder
- Pushed me to re-design my website (which I love)
- Inspired me to finally start investing in merchandise for my brand
- It's helping me to grow my relationship with God and my loved ones
It wasn't all bad but, for me the bad outweighed the good. I was comparing myself to others, which if you didn't know, is a sin. I was out here wishing I had what other people had or lived the life that other people lived from just a picture on Instagram. I didn't even know if it was real but I knew that I wanted what that person had. And the funny thing is, I'm sure there are people wishing they had MY life. It's crazy because as much as you think your life can be better, someone out there is looking at you thinking you're living YOUR best life and wished they were in YOUR shoes.
And you know what, I blame it on Instagram. Anddd maybe myself, for letting me even get to that point. I know I'm blessed and am more than happy to have the people in my life that I do but, sometimes I want more. Sometimes, I want to do a lot more and want to live out my long term goals now, instead of enjoying my journey and taking my time.
Instagram has got us all fooled, or at least me. It had me thinking that I should be at another place in my life and that is not the case. I can't compare my chapter 5 to someone else's chapter 13. It just doesn't work like that. I know it wasn't intentional for us to start thinking like this when social media was created but having access into other people's personal lives has changed our whole perspective on things and not in a good way.
I for one have managed to snap back to reality and am trying to strictly focus on me and everything that I'm doing instead of worrying about everyone else. Worrying about others distracts me from accomplishing my goals and slows me down. I find myself on IG for hours scrolling through my timeline or watching IG story after story.
It can be a lot to keep up with so many different lives, trying to figure out what everybody is doing, especially when you're trying to run a business. Sometimes, I wasn't even getting through my to-do list because I was spending so much time on social media. But prayer does work and God has helped me to control my intake. And because of that, I can say that I'm much happier.
Red tuxedo blazer: Missguided
Red lace body suit: Irregular Exposure
Green drawstring short: Forever 21
Snake skin heels: JustFab
Red cat eye shades: Fe Eyewear
Jewelry: Heart of Gold Accessories
Photographer: Karmen of Armenyl Studio